Leadership Lessons Learned from Dining in the Dark

Invitation to Experience the Unknown

When my client and friend Lisa invited me to celebrate her 50th birthday with 25 of her family and friends, I accepted with delight. Then I clicked on her email link to find out about the restaurant Opaque, where her birthday celebration would take place. That is when I discovered we would be 'dining in the dark'.

I wasn't sure what to expect from this unusual experience. Yet one thing was certain. This would be a birthday celebration like no other.

We all gathered in the restaurant's well-lit bar — meeting and greeting each other before the 'dining in the dark' birthday dinner. From a selection of 4 very appetizing choices, we had selected our entrees days in advance.

At 7:00 pm we were lead downstairs in two groups to the entrance of a black-curtained dining room. Then, in smaller groups of seven we each placed our left hand on the shoulder of the person in front of us, and followed a blind wait staff person into pitch blackness.

Making the Invisible Visible

Once seated, eating became an adventure facilitated by highly competent wait staff, who had finely tuned skills for navigating in the dark because they were blind. Thanks to their patience and kindness, I learned things about myself and my dining companions that would never have surfaced in our sighted world.

Ultimately, I found myself looking through a leadership lens at what I experienced while 'dining in the dark'. Here are 3 of the many 'dining in the dark' leadership lessons I now see.

1. Just because we can't see solutions doesn't mean they aren't present.
   • Seated in the dark at a pre-set dining table with 7 other people, and not being able to see my hand right in front of my face, gave me a stunningly visceral experience of how the invisible is actually present even if we are in the dark.
   • When I realized my eyes were straining to see in the pit black dining room, I closed them. Immediately, I felt my body relax. Then my other senses assumed control.
   • To discover opportunities and solutions that are present yet not visible, stop and ask yourself: What am I straining to see in this situation? Shift your attention to your other senses — physical, instinctive, and intuitive. Notice what they are telling you.
2. When we're completely in the dark, we can only navigate our next step by being fully present in the moment.
   • As the waiter handed me my filled water glass, I was totally focused on reaching out to find his hands so I could negotiate a smooth transfer of the glass to both of mine. I also paid careful attention to where on the table I put my water glass — making sure it was positioned at a mid-point above where my plate would be. That way I found it easily without spilling it.
   • When you need to get something specific done and the resources are invisible, ask yourself: What do I need to be present to in the moment to take a next step? Listen to the part of you that is fully present and can hear the answer to this question. Maybe your next step as a leader is to ask for the help you need.
3. Adjusting our reference points is essential if we can't see what's possible.
   • Initially, everyone at our table commented on how loud the noise of conversations in the room were. Without sight our hearing had instantly became overloaded.
   • I soon realized that I use my sight to screen out distracting sounds by focusing on the person or something in the room while I'm listening. Since the dining room was literally pitch black, I couldn't see anything. At first, all I heard were loud sounds from overlapping conversations (a little like the Tower of Babel, I suspect). In response, I stopped listening for a while, and my hearing adjusted to being sightless. Then I was able to distinguish and tune into with what was being said at our table. This enabled me to join the conversation.
   • Game-changing situations require leaders to re-orient themselves, their teams, and their organizations. So stop worrying about whether or not you have the right answers. Instead, find out if your reference points need updating. Start by asking yourself: What assumptions are my reference points? How do current changes impact those assumptions? What different reference points are needed now?

As you can see, Lisa's birthday celebration was a richly unique experience at a lot of different levels. Already, she and I have looked at how these and other leadership lessons — evoked by 'dining in the dark' — can contribute more substantially to the growth of her organization.

Kudos to you, Lisa, for making your special evening such a truly unforgettable and inherently valuable experience!