Leading Without Judgment

Are Your Values Creating the Problem?

It's so easy to judge the behavior of others and perceived failings of ourselves. Even when we make significant progress on multiple projects, we often focus on what we haven't done yet or 'should' have done more of and better. The result is we, as the classic Rolling Stones song says, 'I just can't get no satisfaction'.

No wonder so many leaders who are doing great work still feel frustrated. You're working as hard and fast as you can, yet always feel woefully behind schedule. What if the problem (you internalized) isn't you? What if the problem is your values?

This is what my client Tim discovered when he slowed down enough to see that what he thought he valued was the problem. Here's a recap of that part of our coaching conversation.

Tim: Since we last talked, I've had a 'come-to-Jesus' moment.

Me: Really! What was that?

Tim: I finally got that it's okay for me to slow down. And that has changed the whole game of business for me.

Me: How so?

Tim: Letting go of the idea that I have to work nonstop in order to drive mega-results in my business has freed me to narrow my focus, stop feeling scattered, think and act more strategically. I realized that as a leader I was judging myself and my team harshly because I had some mistaken notions about what I valued.

When I looked at why we were so overscheduled and overcommitted, I could see I had confused busyness with what I value -- progress. This confusion was also apparent in my team. We have all been moving at such breakneck speeds that even our accomplishments are a blur. This realization caused me to reassess what I value about progress -- the fun of engaging in a challenge to achieve amazing results. Instead, my team and I have been running nonstop adrenalin races to 'faster, bigger and better results'. No wonder team morale is low and we've been struggling to get the right results.

I've been less effective as a leader because my belief that I had to work nonstop to drive mega-results was masquerading as 'progress'. My confusion compounded our problems. Well, I'm ready to change that situation.

Me: Congratulations on the clarity you've gained about the counterproductive role that busyness has played in the challenges you and your team face. Given what you know now, what are you ready to do differently?

Tim: That's what I want to brainstorm with you today.

Me: Perfect! Let begin...

Non-Judgmental Approach

As a leader, you too can stop judging yourself and your team so harshly. Instead, stop multi-tasking for a few minutes and ask yourself: What have I been valuing that actually is creating problems for me and my team?

Your Leadership and Your Life

Are You At Your Best?

Many thanks to the gracious generosity of David Vittoria - Founder and Chief Inspiration Officer at Ascendi - for this guest blog post.

We live in turbulent, historic times.

In the United States and in many industrialized countries around the globe, distressed economies and financial markets are taking center stage. Many people are rightfully concerned about decreasing revenues, shrinking retirement accounts, and even the likelihood of keeping their jobs during the next six months. Others have taken a more careful, diversified approach, and are better prepared to weather the next few years. However, no matter what the circumstances you find yourself in, there are specific internal and external steps that you can take to ensure that you are at your best to handle the challenges that come your way.

Everyone has "emotional wells" that have deposits of patience, courage, compassion, ambition, and optimism - to name just a few. When our emotional reservoirs are brimming over, we have the internal fortitude to deal with difficult and complex issues.

When they’ve run dry, though, we reach a point where we have nothing more to give and, in simple cases, might snap back at people - or lash out in more extreme cases.

Every mother has probably experienced what it’s like to run out of patience with a colicky baby. Similarly, every executive has likely experienced much stress and anxiety when an important deadline approaches, yet there’s zero mental and creative energy left for the task.

Our Personal Needs

A personal need is what you must have in your life to be your very best. This is not about being needy or about tolerating unacceptable behaviors. Instead, it’s about taking care of yourself first, so that you can be fully available for others – your team, loved ones, and external customers.

Personal needs include emotional reservoirs.
They also include more external elements, such as: having order, being in control, being recognized, being loved, achieving objectives, and doing the right thing.

Personal needs are sometimes confused with values. This is the key distinction: whereas getting a personal need met gives us satisfaction, honoring a value leads to fulfillment. For example, “space” is a common need for many people. “Space” has several dimensions, such as physical (no clutter), emotional (being complete with past events), mental (not stuck in analysis), spiritual (connected to something beyond ourselves), and time (not being so busy that we miss opportunities). For many people, getting their need for space satisfied gives them access to one of their deepest values: peace.

Imagine now an organization where people have strong emotional reserves to deal with complex challenges and adversity. Companies enjoy obvious benefits when they encourage and support their employees to be at their best.

Practical Advise

I invite you to make a list of what you must have in your life to be your very best. Then, set up automatic systems and practices to get those needs met on a regular basis. For example, have staff members email you weekly status reports to help you satisfy your need to be informed, or have a regular practice of taking short breaks every couple of hours to replenish your mental and emotional reserves.

In addition, when you catch yourself snapping back at someone, ask yourself: “What do I need right now to be at my very best?” When you see extreme or bizarre behavior in other people, ask the same question about them. Oftentimes, this allows us to pause, reflect, and respond appropriately, versus unconsciously participating in the drama.

What are some of the ways you fill your emotional reservoir when it begins to run dry? What early warning indicators do you use to let you know your tank is running low?