5 Obstacles That Get Between You and What You Want

IS IT SAFE? 

Hidden beliefs, feelings and frustrations stand between us and what we say we want...to do, to experience, to be. Starved for time in our businesses and our lives, we seldom examine what we put in our own way that blocks our path ahead. 

One creative approach to resolving this dilemma comes from a client, who wrote a personal list of the "Top Ten Things That Get Between Us and What We Really Want." After seeing clearly her unwarranted feelings of fear and frustration, she decided to let go of them. So she emailed her list to me. Then she felt ready to get back to work on her ambitious goals.

WHAT GETS BETWEEN US AND WHAT WE REALLY WANT

5 Culprits Hidden in Plain Sight - From Client's Top 10 List (with her comments)

1. The feeling that while you deserve what you really want, it would be unfair to others if you had it (who made up that rule anyway?!?!).
2. The need to get organized enough to give adequate attention to what you want (aka, getting ready to get ready).
3. That sinking feeling that what you want is WAY too ambitious, unrealistic or otherwise unachievable for all but the 'special' people.
4. The noise emitted by all the things that are supposed to make us smart, enlightened, happy, energetic, and engaged (i.e., TV, radio, magazines, junk mail, people).
5. Rationalizing that you should do things like buy a Lottery ticket when you can't work up the nerve to ask people to help you achieve your goals.

These beliefs, feelings and frustrations only have power if you give it to them. Like my client who exposed them on paper to see them for the culprits they are, you can create your own list. Just as she released, moved beyond them, and refocused on her goals, you can too.

Since I know your time is at a premium, I invite you to write down the top 3 things that get between you and what you really want. If it helps, post them in your comments below. Then choose to let go of them and get back on track with what is most important to you.

Get Unstuck Now!

Exuberant Enthusiasm of a 3-Year Old Leader

3-year old Jonathan conducts the 4th movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony with playful passion and sheer delight. His unbridled enthusiasm reminds us of the utter joy, flow and freedom that we can experience when we let our natural talents and abilities shine brilliantly.

Watch Jonathan's performance up to the end because his enthusiastic leadership just gets sweeter. Then consider your response to this coaching question − inviting you to open to new possibilities.

What self-limitation does 3-year old Jonathan inspire you to let go of now so you can have fun powerfully expressing the fullness of who you are?

Leading Without Judgment

Are Your Values Creating the Problem?

It's so easy to judge the behavior of others and perceived failings of ourselves. Even when we make significant progress on multiple projects, we often focus on what we haven't done yet or 'should' have done more of and better. The result is we, as the classic Rolling Stones song says, 'I just can't get no satisfaction'.

No wonder so many leaders who are doing great work still feel frustrated. You're working as hard and fast as you can, yet always feel woefully behind schedule. What if the problem (you internalized) isn't you? What if the problem is your values?

This is what my client Tim discovered when he slowed down enough to see that what he thought he valued was the problem. Here's a recap of that part of our coaching conversation.

Tim: Since we last talked, I've had a 'come-to-Jesus' moment.

Me: Really! What was that?

Tim: I finally got that it's okay for me to slow down. And that has changed the whole game of business for me.

Me: How so?

Tim: Letting go of the idea that I have to work nonstop in order to drive mega-results in my business has freed me to narrow my focus, stop feeling scattered, think and act more strategically. I realized that as a leader I was judging myself and my team harshly because I had some mistaken notions about what I valued.

When I looked at why we were so overscheduled and overcommitted, I could see I had confused busyness with what I value -- progress. This confusion was also apparent in my team. We have all been moving at such breakneck speeds that even our accomplishments are a blur. This realization caused me to reassess what I value about progress -- the fun of engaging in a challenge to achieve amazing results. Instead, my team and I have been running nonstop adrenalin races to 'faster, bigger and better results'. No wonder team morale is low and we've been struggling to get the right results.

I've been less effective as a leader because my belief that I had to work nonstop to drive mega-results was masquerading as 'progress'. My confusion compounded our problems. Well, I'm ready to change that situation.

Me: Congratulations on the clarity you've gained about the counterproductive role that busyness has played in the challenges you and your team face. Given what you know now, what are you ready to do differently?

Tim: That's what I want to brainstorm with you today.

Me: Perfect! Let begin...

Non-Judgmental Approach

As a leader, you too can stop judging yourself and your team so harshly. Instead, stop multi-tasking for a few minutes and ask yourself: What have I been valuing that actually is creating problems for me and my team?

Fear of a Fabulous Future

5 Invisible Barriers to Success

...for Smart Women Leaders

If you want to be more effective as a leader, take a close look at your inner leadership game. 

"To be effective leaders, we must first understand the field, or inner space, from which we are operating." ~Otto Scharmer, Theory U: Leading from the Future as It Emerges 

Be candid with yourself and identify what really gets in your way. For smart business women it is often one of these hidden culprits.

1. The feeling that while you deserve what you want, it would be unfair to others if you had it.
2. The need to deliver on your expectation that only perfection is enough.
3. A sinking feeling that you do not have what it takes to lead your team or business to the success you envision.
4. The belief that to be smart, engaged, energetic, happy, and enlightened you have to be 'superwoman'.

5. Deep-seated reluctance to ask for and accept the help you need to achieve your ambitious goals.

Leadership Limitations

Unexamined beliefs, feelings and frustrations only have power if you give it to them. So take back your inner leadership power with this simple exercise.

• What belief, feeling or frustration gets in your leadership way?
• If you were free of that belief, feeling or frustration, what would be better for you as a leader?
• What do you gain - if anything - by not letting go of it?
• Who would you be as a leader without it?
• What 3 small steps could you take - starting now - to release your leadership limitation?

Decide to take immediate action. With each step consciously let go of the limitations lurking in your leadership blind spot. Your awareness of new possibilities will increase. This creates more space for you to play a bigger inner leadership game.

"Successful leadership depends on the quality of attention and intention that the leader brings to any situation." ~Otto Scharmer, MIT - Action Researcher in Innovative Learning & Leadership