Are You Saying "NO!" Enough?

The Power of a Positive "NO!"

Why You Don't Say NO!

Which of these 3 reasons keep you from finding your essential "YES!"?

1.  Accommodation

  • You want to say "No!"
  • Instead you say "yes" to please or gain approval from the person or people asking.
  • You also don't know how to say "No!" to the request.

2.  Avoidance

  • You don't return phone calls, respond to emails, or put off getting back to the person or people making the request.
  • You're very uncomfortable or afraid to say "No!" because you do not want to upset, hurt or offend the person or people asking.
  • You don't know how to say "No!" nicely.

3.  Anger/Attack

  • You really do not want to say "Yes".
  • You're angry at yourself for feeling like you can't say "No!" 
  • You begrudgingly say "yes" but with very negative agreement.

Power Up with a "No!" Sandwich

Start with Your Genuine "Yes!" (top slice of bread)

  • Know the value on which you stand, what saying "No" actually allows you to say "Yes!" to—your big, most authentic "YES!"
  • Based on what you really value, ask yourself what saying "No!" allows you to say "Yes!" to that keeps you true to yourself.

State Your Positive "No!" (meat in the middle)

  • Prepare the person asking to receive your positive "No!"
  • Stand firmly in a commitment to your value-rooted, genuine "Yes!" and say your positive "No!" from that place within yourself.

Consider Ending with "Yes!" (bottom slice of bread)

  • Start with your decision to say a Positive "No!"
  • Then, if appropriate, choose what you are willing to do that is different from what is being requested of you.
  • "I am willing to ____________________________________________ (fill in the blank).

Using this "No!" sandwich empowers you to say a Positive "NO!" It also takes you out of the unproductive loop of trying to please people or gain their approval. Instead it's possible for you to please and approve of yourself without being selfish or egotistical.

Of course, if you would like help learning and embodying this critical leadership skill, contact me. I would be happy to assist you in communicating your Positive "NO!" in difficult conversations and challenging situations.