Are You Saying "NO!" Enough?

The Power of a Positive "NO!"

Why You Don't Say NO!

Which of these 3 reasons keep you from finding your essential "YES!"?

1.  Accommodation

• You want to say "No!"
• Instead you say "yes" to please or gain approval from the person or people asking.
• You also don't know how to say "No!" to the request.

2.  Avoidance

• You don't return phone calls, respond to emails, or put off getting back to the person or people making the request.
• You're very uncomfortable or afraid to say "No!" because you do not want to upset, hurt or offend the person or people asking.
• You don't know how to say "No!" nicely.

3.  Anger/Attack

• You really do not want to say "Yes".
• You're angry at yourself for feeling like you can't say "No!" 
• You begrudgingly say "yes" but with very negative agreement.

Power Up with a "No!" Sandwich

Start with Your Genuine "Yes!" (top slice of bread)

• Know the value on which you stand, what saying "No" actually allows you to say "Yes!" to—your big, most authentic "YES!"
• Based on what you really value, ask yourself what saying "No!" allows you to say "Yes!" to that keeps you true to yourself.

State Your Positive "No!" (meat in the middle)

• Prepare the person asking to receive your positive "No!"
• Stand firmly in a commitment to your value-rooted, genuine "Yes!" and say your positive "No!" from that place within yourself.

Consider Ending with "Yes!" (bottom slice of bread)

• Start with your decision to say a Positive "No!"
• Then, if appropriate, choose what you are willing to do that is different from what is being requested of you.
• "I am willing to ____________________________________________ (fill in the blank).

Using this "No!" sandwich empowers you to say a Positive "NO!" It also takes you out of the unproductive loop of trying to please people or gain their approval. Instead it's possible for you to please and approve of yourself without being selfish or egotistical.

Of course, if you would like help learning and embodying this critical leadership skill, contact me. I would be happy to assist you in communicating your Positive "NO!" in difficult conversations and challenging situations.

Easier Than You Think

Manage Your Focus

When faced with sudden opportunities, unexpected decisions, or unclear next steps, do you consider how your response could feed the deeper aspects of who you are?

Too often nerviousness, excitement and a real sense of urgency blur our focus and muddy our view of novel yet available options.

Yet there is an easier way to navigate our natural feelings and the conflicting thoughts accompanying them.

Strange as it sounds, stop trying to figure out what to do. Allow curiosity to shift the way you look at what's possible.

Interrupt your thoughts. Instead of paying attention to your questions about "how you should" respond, quiet your mind with genuine appreciation: "Thank you for sharing." This gratitude calms your thoughts by letting your mind know that it has done its job and can relax.

Next, give yourself more mental, physical and emotional space.

You can do this in a lot of effortless ways. Pause for a few moments. Breathe slowly and deeply. Stretch... Stare with soft focus at the sky... Listen to soothing sounds... Walk in nature.

Then, when you feel more spaciousness inside and around you, consider  less-explored and surprisingly useful questions.

Question Your Questions

1. What assumptions am I making?
2. What am I not seeing—obvious or subtle?
3. What else might be possible here?
4. What deeper needs could be nourished?

Allow your unconscious to explore these questions and give you answers in unexpected ways. Put away your phone and let your mind wander while you

• Wait in line at a store
• Do household chores
• Walk the dog or feed the cat
• Listen to the conversation of strangers.

Notice how answers to your questions begin to take shape in these everyday settings. Let the clarity you receive turn your decisiveness into rewarding results.

3 Body Wisdom Business Lessons

Presence...Balance...Flow

When I began the Tai Chi class conveniently taught at my neigborhood park, it had been years since I practiced this 'slow motion' martial art. The time lapse didn't matter because this Tai Chi form was different than the other three forms I learned and forgot so long ago.

Now I'm a Tai Chi newbie again. As I deal with how long it takes my body to grasp the presence, balance and flow of each moment, I realize that Tai Chi also is teaching me 3 valuable 'body wisdom' business lessons.

1. Patience is a practice.

   • Trying to control my progress keeps me from seeing small steps I can take.

   • Relaxing my expectations frees me to learn by practicing.

2. Transitions energize next steps.

   • Shifting back a little before moving forward gives me  momentum to go in a new direction.

   • Slowing down helps me balance the way I take my next step.

3. Economy of motion leads to better results.

   • Focusing on one change at a time shows me how one move flows into the next move.

   • Making small shifts—a minor foot adjustment or correction in my posture—enables me to move into the natural rhythm of Tai Chi and experience the next steps I'm learning to take.

Practice...Practice...Practice...

As in business, leadership and life, the more I practice the easier it is to remain alert, flexible and agile,

So as you read this, I'm getting up from sitting too long in front of my computer and going downstairs to practice Tai Chi. While I know that I'll never become a Tai Chi Master, I'm on the path to consistent practice.

Where do you routinely need to practice patience, presence, balance and flow in your business, leadership or life? 

Find Your Fascination Power!

What Fascinates You Most?

Whatever your greatest fascination is, it runs like a river through your work or business, leadership and life.

For me, it's journeying into the unknown to discover and experience wonders living there. That's why I love helping clients deal with troublesome and complex leadership, professional and business challenges―their uncharted territory.

While the landscape and terrain of what's not working for them is known to me, clients' inner and outer adventures reveal to them their unique courage, commitment and confidence. This frees them to create meaningful results and thrive as leaders. Their transformational journeys―the practical steps, simple elegant solutions, and inner peace clients experience―always fascinates me.

Visible or Invisible?

If your greatest fascination is invisible to you, it's hidden in plain sight. Often it lurks inside pressing problems that push you way outside your comfort zone.

Funny thing is, your difficult decisions and stubborn challenges provoke less anxiety when you know and understand what fascinates you.

This knowing shines a light on how your fascination is attracted to certain types of problems because dealing with them offers a strongly desired sense of satisfaction.

This certainly is the case for the women leaders I coach. When we uncover the roots of what fascinates them, their body relaxes and their minds become quiet and alert.

The significant script change in their inner story shifts the way they view the outer world. Instead of things happening to them, they see things happening with them. And, problems become opportunities to experience the fullness of their fascination power.

Experience the Difference

One client spent years dealing with extremely stressful complex changes at work only to find herself struggling to navigate a different set of worrisome changes in her own business.

When she realized her greatest fascination was her persistent love of learning, she saw how this deep natural desire was at play in all her stressful attempts to navigate big challenging changes. So she decided to pay close attention to what she learns from complex change that keeps her fascinated.

This focus expanded her awareness, deepened her understanding, and crystalized her knowing. She shifted out of overwhelm and felt free to engage differently in her growing business. Now as an entrepreneur, wife and mother, she navigates predictable and unpredictable changes in her business and life with a dynamic sense of balance and inner peace. By helping clients with their difficult problems, she is putting her natural fascination with complex change to even greater use.

Uncover Your Uniqueness

When you understand your deepest fascination, what it values, and the role it' like to play, you can turn what fascinates you most into a valuable ally.

Discover the wisdom and power of your own natural fascination. Learn how it can work wonders for you in business, leadership and life.

Schedule a complimentary 30-minute Discover Your Powerful Fascination Session today.

Your Journey To Awesome

Easy Yet Enlightening

When was the last time you paused to catch up with yourself? You know, slowed down to see the entirety of what you have accomplished, feel it fully, and appreciate all your efforts and high flying results in business, leadership or life.

If it's been quite a while since you've even thought to do this, you are not alone. Smart women leaders, executives/professionals and entrepreneurs are so busy moving on to the next big challenge that they rarely stop to savor the fullness of their achievements.

Focusing on improving performance in themselves, their teams, and their businesses or organizations without waiting to inhale their successes keeps them from feeling satisfied or fulfilled.

Don't let this happen to you! Instead, use this simple practice to experience the satisfaction and fulfillment you have worked so hard to have.

Give yourself a few precious moments in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. Jot down your responses to 3 questions about your work/business, leadership or life.

1. Where are you now that is better than where you were 9-6-3 months ago?

2. What have you accomplished to arrive at this once desired place?

3. How are you celebrating this progress and savoring your wins?

Without re-reading them, put your answers away for a few days. Then find a time and place to sit quietly with your favorite drink and read what you've written.

As you sip refreshing tea or a smoothie or lemonade, drink in the progress and wins you have won.

Savor the moments you are experiencing as a result of your achievements. Let the sweet taste of satisfaction and fulfillment flow into your heart and seep into your bones.

Feel how in sync you are. Now in this clear state of presence you are ready to engage in greater accomplishments and enjoy more welcomed progress.

3 Simple Success Practices

Suffering from Achievement Amnesia?

You execute complex strategies, lead wildly divergent teams, meet ambitious goals, and deliver on your commitments to the success of your business or organization. Yet it feels like the success you seek still eludes you.

Why? Because...

You race to the finish line with impressive speed only to find that the end goal has moved. There is no finish line. Your stunning achievements are ignored because of an unending stream of critical priorities, competing demands, and ambitious goals that you now have to reach.

The upside is you make substantial and significant progress even in the face of these daunting challenges. The downside is you cannot remember what you're already achieved. This leaves you feeling like you are not productive or effective or good enough.

The good news and the bad news is that you are not alone. I call this workday malaise "Achievement Amnesia" because it robs your instant recall of your noteworthy accomplishments.

Enjoy Your Hard Won Success

Simple daily practices allow you to experience and enjoy the success you work so hard to achieve. Change-makers, visionary leaders, and peak performers find these 3 particularly useful. See how they work for you.

1. At the start of your workday, write down 3 top priorities you are committed to getting done that day.
   • I know you have a lot more than 3. Just focus on the first top 3, and then the next top 3, and then the next top 3.
   • The human brain only effectively focuses on 3 areas at a time—one primary area and two in waiting
2. Check each priority and subsequent action items off your list after they are completed.
   • Get creative. Draw a bold line through them or X them out with a flourish.
   • Notice how great this simple action feels.
3. Take 5 minutes at the end of your workday and review your progress to see what you've achieved.
   • Give yourself this time and space to appreciate what is working well for you.
   • Intentionally celebrate small and big wins in easy fun ways.

Notice how these 3 simple success practices release you from the fog of Achievement Amnesia. The satisfying difference in your sense of daily and weekly accomplishments boosts your self confidence and capacity to make better decisions.